Shades of Ay

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Hey there and thanks for visiting! What exactly is this blog about? It's bits and pieces of me. My life as a 30 something Black woman, living with anxiety, managing it and exploring self care. 

The name Shades of Ay, refers to me, Ay is one of the many nicknames, I've accumulated over time. Some days I feel bright and vibrant and other days gray and washed out. Shades of Ay encompasses that spectrum of feelings and me.

Some days, there's no rhyme or reason behind when anxiety strikes. It can pop up during an every day routine moment, like grocery shopping. Other times, I can tell you exactly what's the trigger, ie driving to a new and unfamiliar place, aka rising stress levels.








Stop me if you're heard this story before...

There's an event at the Merry Blue Green Place, on February 29th. Great! 
Hmm...not familiar with that name...Okay lets see what Google Maps says...It's an hour from home... What's the best way? Can I take a route I know already?

February 27th....Back to Google Maps, how far is this place? What exit do I take? I need some navigation markers...What street is before this place? How do I know when I'm close? Is there parking? I hope I don't have to parallel park...Lets go to Street View to see what this place looks like...

February 29th... Do I really want to go? I don't want to go but I said I'd be there. I should go.... I really don't feel like leaving the house... I'm going...(heart rate is increasing)...
Breathe...
Get in the car, set Waze and hit the road... So far so good... Okay, I'm getting close, remember, don't turn early...And I missed the turn... (Is it getting warm? Am I sweating? Ugh, I'm sweating)...
Breathe...
Okay, there's number 681, 683, Oh there it is 685. I made it! Where I do park? Arghh...




I admit, it seems excessive but this is what happens in my head... 

There are some advantages... I have become pretty decent at navigating when I do get lost and I learn new routes to familiar destinations. Finally, the more I do something, the more comfortable I become and my anxiety decreases. Exposure, does work.

Despite how crazy it feels in that moment, when anxiety take hold, the good news is that the moment does pass and some times I even learn something.


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